Loss and grief - A path we all fear to tread (but will do it anyway)

Grief is universal. At some point in everyone’s life, there will be something that will change your world completely and have you needing to rethink how to move on from here. It may be from the death of a loved one, the loss of a job, the end of a relationship, or any other change that alters life as you know it.

In 1969, a Swiss-American psychiatrist named Elizabeth Kübler-Ross wrote in her book “On Death and Dying”. They were divided into five stages and while it was originally devised for people who were ill, these stages of grief have been adapted for other experiences with loss, too.

These stages are very rarely linear and everyone can spend more time in one stage than another.

Denial - Grief can overwhelm you so it’s not unusual to respond by pretending the loss or change isn’t happening. Denying it gives you time to more gradually absorb the news and begin to process it. This is a common defence mechanism and helps numb you to the intensity of the situation.

Anger - Anger again is a mechanism which helps you block out the reality. For many it masks fear but it is a good way to hide the intense emotions and pain that you will be feeling. It helps us feel more powerful when we feel the exact opposite.

Bargaining – This is where we try and mitigate and control the event by rationalising or promising to change the way we do things in order to improve the outcome. Bargaining is another line of defence which we take when we face an enormous threat.

Depression –This is a quieter time from the more dynamic stages shown beforehand. Depression may feel like the inevitable landing point of any loss, however if you feel stuck here or can’t seem to move past this stage, talk with a mental health expert. It can affect you both mentally and physically and it is a time where we withdraw.

Acceptance - Grief is very personal. It’s not very neat or linear. It doesn’t follow any timelines or schedules. However, we all eventually should end up here. A new future has been accepted and a new pathway has presented forward.

"The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen." Elizabeth Kubler Ross

Isn’t that the truth?